I'm currently listening to George Carlin read his book When Will Jesus Bring The Pork Chops?
This man is a fucking genius. I have never heard a comedian who is so scathing, but so intelligent in his criticisms of everyday life.
And some of his one-liners are absolutely golden.

"When someone says 'have a nice weekend,' I never throw back a 'you too' because I never know what other plans I may have for them by the weekend. I may wish to have them slain by Friday."