Jacob (yak_boy) wrote,

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Blessed Are The Cheesemakers

Okay, so I have some kind of in-built inability to cut cheese straight.

"So what?" I hear you cry. Well, the biggest problem is that it clashes with my in-built perfectionism when it comes to food.

All right, start over. I have an inability when it comes to preparing food, which clashes with my anal-rentetive food making nature, which is actually caused by my lack of food-handling skills.

It breaks down like this-
A) I am no good at preparing a meal.
B) I therefore have to follow meal-making procedures exactly (whether published recipes, printed on can, or just everyday procedure).
C) Due to point A I am unable to follow procedures exactly, which leads to a heightened level of anxiety when something, inevitably, goes awry.

Hence the cheese.

Cheese must be cut from the block into straight pieces, of even thickness.
But, naturally, I always cut cheese on an atrocious angle, leaving the block wedge shaped and thus necessitating the next slice to be deliberately of uneven thickness, lest the block eventually turn into a right-angled triangle.

"Why not buy pre-sliced cheese?" I hear you ask.
Because Emily and I have a kilo-a-week cheese habit. That's just cheddar (tasty for you heathens that think cheddar refers to those shrink-wrapped slices of tastelessness), it's even more if you factor in gourmet cheeses like Brie and Havarti, and more still when we've added parmesan into the equation. We even occasionally have cream-cheese, decadent if added in copious quantities to mashed potato.

I think I got a little sidetracked, but my point was: if we ate a kilo of sliced cheese a week it would cost three times as much for an already expensive habit.

"All that cheese is bad for you!" I hear you cry.
Well, I can't think of a witty retort, so I'll just have to agree with you on that score.
But at least I don't smoke.

Cheese tastes fantastic, and goes all lovely and gooey when you apply heat.
And it goes well with just about everything savoury and a great many sweet things too.
What more can you ask for in a food?

I just had toasted cheese and chilli (as in beef, beans and chilli-peppers) sandwiches.
Delicious. I highly recommend them.
Even if you can't cut the cheese straight.
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