Here's to alcohol, the cause of—and solution to—all life's problems.
Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.
Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one! But you can't stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!
Oh no! What have I done? I smashed open my little boy's piggy bank, and for what? A few measly cents, not even enough to buy one beer. Wait a minute, lemme count and make sure... not even close.
Marge, I'm going to Moe's. Send the kids to the neighbors, I'm coming back loaded!
All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me, so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer.
I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.
Now son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for daddies, and kids with fake IDs.
Beer! How did you know?
Ah, beer, my one weakness. My Achilles heel if you will.